“Who the fuck do you know here, bro? Do you have a grandparent who went here? Do either of your parents have an Honorary Degree? No? Get the fuck out of my face”, screams Dean Walter Cooper, Class of 1988. A Yale Actual Weekly News correspondent looked on as Dean Cooper popped the collar on his brooks brothers dress shirt and rolled up his sleeves, pushing the unfortunate prospective student back. “You’re blacklisted, bro. Don’t ever come around here again. Princeton might be accepting applications.”