”We regret to inform you that Yale University, while throughly impressed with your family’s socioeconomic status, has placed you on the waitlist for the class of 2023. Do not panic! Enclosed is a pre-addressed envelope with space for a blank check from your grandparents. While we cannot guarantee acceptance should we receive this envelope, we certainly understand that students who donate are of the lowest moral character, devoid of all self-awareness, and entitled - all traits that form the perfect Yale donors.”